Tuesday, April 24, 2007
and it touched my heart to finally know,
i somehow made a difference. (:
never expected myself to find it hard to tear away from this place,
afterall i hated the place i was posted to.
look what happened half a year later?
i'm so attached to everything there,
even things i dislike.
the sweet staffs did a petition for me,
silly ones,
don't they know it won't make much of a difference?
but they truly made me feel important,
made me feel my existence.
sadly,
all good things must come to an end somehow,
someday.
but we all have the memories to hold on to. (:
gave everyone a tag with their nicknames on,
or rather what i address them by.
just something for them to remember me by,
and hope when the going gets tough,
they will still get going;
knowing i may not be by their side,
but i'm there for them in spirit.
(and no, i'm not dead yet.. :P)
remisnicing from the beginning,
how i learnt so much;
and grew with each experience.
there's just so much in my heart,
that i would like to express.
but perhaps tonight's not the night..
staff meeting on friday,
my supposedly last day.
i hope everything will be settled alright and proper,
and that they will never lose hope;
'cos i believe so much in them.
(:
and so the countdown begins..
four days to go..
>05:41
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
sometimes i wonder,
am i really such an idiot?
why do i always make mistakes,
and then live in regrets.
i'm fuckin pissed with myself by the way.
a month back,
everything in my life started going haywire.
work suck.
and..
everything else.
everyone was so engrossed in doing their own thing,
everything else was neglected.
and finally,
everyone is trying hard now,
trying to give everything their best shot.
i'm left out..
and once again it's decision time.
heavy heavy heart,
when are you ever gonna leave me alone.
*sighs.
why am i always forced to let go.
let go of this,
let go of that.
sometimes i just wanna give it all up,
like there's no use in struggling so hard;
you just gonna lose everything in the end,
why not just like everything slip away,
and eventually i can slip away too.
(:
and i'm such a fucking stupid fool.
>13:17
Monday, April 09, 2007
How can someone who claims will take you away from all your shadows,
Who claims to stay by your side through it all,
Who claims never to ever let anything come between us,
Who claims will work together hand in hand to overcome all problems,
Who claims to never let go..
Loses all feelings, faith and hope,
Just like that.. *snaps*
Every word said,
Every promises made,
Every pact,
Every dream,
Every hope..
All shattered into pieces overnight.
Is that a reason or an excuse?
Is this your cue you wanna go?
Is it me who broke it all?
Am i the only one still holding on?
What about the times you stood by me?
What about the times you made me believe?
What about the times you showed me the world means nothing,
'Cos you're my everything?
What about all our pacts and promises?
What about everything that once existed?
Can they all be pushed away just like that?
Can you just forget as if it never did occur?
Can you just pretend and let it all go?
Or have you already given up hope?
Are you in fact just waiting for the time bomb to explode?
The suspend is killing me,
And I'm about to let everything slip.
How could it all change overnight?
How could someone who once stayed by my side,
Someone who once held on so tight,
Someone who once grabbed on tight,
Just let everything slide?
Have you already given up hope?
Have you already allow your feelings to stop?
Have everything come to a standstill,
And nothing will ever change?
Is it true we'll never be the same again?
Is it true your feelings will never grow any stronger ever again?
Is it true you rather just sit by and watch everything go by?
Is it all true?
Or have you already decided?
>02:51
Friday, April 06, 2007
i come with so much baggage,
so much shadows behind me.
i'm difficult to manage,
and i make things worse by hiding in my darkness.
and then you* came along,
you told me you'll show me everything.
i told you,
you're just gonna leave;
like it happened before.
you told me you were different,
and time will tell all.
in my darkest hours,
you stood by me.
when i became cranky,
you never failed me.
and then i grew afraid when i knew we wouldn't get to meet,
not as much as we used to.
and then i grew afraid the distance would drive me crazy,
and i grew afraid you would leave.
but still you held on,
you said no.
and then stress got in.
and i was under pressure.
and we stopped communicating.
we stopped fillin into each other's life.
and then i missed you badly,
and misunderstandings occured.
whenever i couldn't get you on the line,
but you always replied my messages..
i start to wonder why.
and then paranoid came back to attack me,
and jealousy came along.
i was thinking you could meet your friends,
but not me?
and then i didn't initiate meeting,
'cos i don't know your shift no more.
and i started to miss seeing you everytime i knock off.
and then i miss messaging you all the time,
been able to call you and all.
and i began missing you badly.
and then it happened,
you said you wanted time away.
and i grew afraid that someone was there to take my place.
and then you said no.
you said you're not leaving,
you told me you still love me,
told me you're still holdin on.
and then you said whatever we are next,
is my decision.
and then i felt the pain.
as though you don't care no more.
and then i thought to myself.
"jawk, she has given up."
and then i thought,
what about the pacts?
the promises?
what about the way she made me believe?
what about us?
and then i grew withdrawal.
and i guess this is me now.
you once said,
everyone gives up on you easily;
you once said,
you told me not to leave,
not to give up.
and you once told me,
we'll make it through everything.
you made me believe,
and believe i did.
i held on..
and now i feel so alone.
like you don't wanna fight no more.
and then i thought of you,
i thought of us,
of our happy memories,
our times spent..
i thought of everything..
and then i think back,
to my shadows,
my baggage.
and then i think...
why does it seems that letting go of me is so easy?
why does it seems that my fears from the start
you tried to pacify,
and did such a good job;
to make me believe in you, in us,
in love...
is now what is hurting me..
why does it seems this pain i try to avoid from the start,
is hurting me?
everything between us is spinning in my mind,
your words,
your promises.
your sorry...
and your time will prove.
and what has time proven now?
is it really so easy for everyone to just let go,
to just leave me?
or do i make it easy?
and perhaps i'm really just worthless and non-existent.
>01:02
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
why does it seems that everything i say,
or do is wrong??
why does it seems that the pressure on me,
is so much more??
where did i go wrong?
i'm only human,
i make mistakes too.
so how wrong am i?
slip away.
>03:30
Egomanic.
THE MINORS | jawk | contradicts | misunderstood
ADDICTS | the gf | retail therapy |
AGONY | over-used | entrapment | deceiption |
let's stop running;
and start believing.
Shopaholic.
+ formal tops
+ polo tees of diff colors. :D
+ fix ipod mini.
+ w910i
+ sony vaio lap-top
Chimera.
+ license
+ leisure trip *(akan datang!)
+ aussie trip
+ my band. (: