rudechild; bittersweet.

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[recital; EGOIST; annex;]

and i don't want the whole world to see me
'cos i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am.

Friday, April 06, 2007

i come with so much baggage,
so much shadows behind me.
i'm difficult to manage,
and i make things worse by hiding in my darkness.

and then you* came along,
you told me you'll show me everything.
i told you,
you're just gonna leave;
like it happened before.
you told me you were different,
and time will tell all.

in my darkest hours,
you stood by me.
when i became cranky,
you never failed me.

and then i grew afraid when i knew we wouldn't get to meet,
not as much as we used to.
and then i grew afraid the distance would drive me crazy,
and i grew afraid you would leave.

but still you held on,
you said no.

and then stress got in.
and i was under pressure.
and we stopped communicating.
we stopped fillin into each other's life.

and then i missed you badly,
and misunderstandings occured.
whenever i couldn't get you on the line,
but you always replied my messages..
i start to wonder why.

and then paranoid came back to attack me,
and jealousy came along.
i was thinking you could meet your friends,
but not me?

and then i didn't initiate meeting,
'cos i don't know your shift no more.
and i started to miss seeing you everytime i knock off.

and then i miss messaging you all the time,
been able to call you and all.
and i began missing you badly.

and then it happened,
you said you wanted time away.
and i grew afraid that someone was there to take my place.
and then you said no.
you said you're not leaving,
you told me you still love me,
told me you're still holdin on.

and then you said whatever we are next,
is my decision.
and then i felt the pain.
as though you don't care no more.
and then i thought to myself.
"jawk, she has given up."

and then i thought,
what about the pacts?
the promises?
what about the way she made me believe?
what about us?

and then i grew withdrawal.
and i guess this is me now.

you once said,
everyone gives up on you easily;
you once said,
you told me not to leave,
not to give up.
and you once told me,
we'll make it through everything.
you made me believe,
and believe i did.
i held on..

and now i feel so alone.
like you don't wanna fight no more.

and then i thought of you,
i thought of us,
of our happy memories,
our times spent..
i thought of everything..

and then i think back,
to my shadows,
my baggage.

and then i think...
why does it seems that letting go of me is so easy?
why does it seems that my fears from the start
you tried to pacify,
and did such a good job;
to make me believe in you, in us,
in love...
is now what is hurting me..

why does it seems this pain i try to avoid from the start,
is hurting me?

everything between us is spinning in my mind,
your words,
your promises.
your sorry...
and your time will prove.
and what has time proven now?

is it really so easy for everyone to just let go,
to just leave me?
or do i make it easy?

and perhaps i'm really just worthless and non-existent.

>01:02