Thursday, August 16, 2007
i don't believe;
won't believe.
not anymore.
>23:13
Monday, August 06, 2007
life has been going downhill since..
i don't know?
the day i got transferred i guess.
you know how amazing it is,
when there's this special someone by your side,
and you feel that even when your whole life is upside down,
or even when the world seems so dark and freaky;
you know you can count on that person,
you know eventually that with that someone,
everything will be okay.
you believe.
and that's when you start forgetting the little things,
mistakes you promised not to make,
and goals you promised you wanna achieve.
you're so caught up in all these changes,
all these things that don't seem to go your way,
everything.
you're so caught up in the bad things,
you neglect the rest.
you change.
your temper,
your lifestyle,
your attitude.
changed.
and it's good when that someone sticks by you,
understanding you,
helping and guiding you.
it's great if that someone understands why you do or say the things you did.
it's most wonderful if they will just hang on and believe
two can work it all out.
it's good isn't it?
but life is not like that.
human beings.
friends.
lovers.
family.
everything else.
i'm worn out.
literally.
i hate pretending.
i hate been misunderstood.
i hate everything about myself so much.
i just wish i wasn't alive.
i wish someone would understand me.
understand why i am like this.
i try so hard.
sometimes i think i try too hard to please.
and have i mentioned that i am tired?
i think i did.
seriously.
i'm so messed up now,
but i'm supposed to be like HAPPY,
like STRONG,
like i am not supposed to be pessimistic,
i'm not supposed to be like that.
and can i help it if i am like this?
life is one hell of a big joke.
so much angst.
so much frustration.
so much of everything.
and all i want are simple little things,
things i will never get.
(:
no matter how hard i try.
it's never good enough.
nothing i do is ever good enough,
ever right.
and..
people blame me ultimately.
amazing.
i try to be there for my friends,
but i get blamed for saying "the wrong things".
i try my best at work,
what do i get?
one word - useless. (:
do i need to go on?
i doubt so.
there's only so much a person can take.
and i'm totally reaching the peak.
STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTION
AND TELLING ME STUPID THEORIES LIKE
"ARE YOU OKAY?
IT'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT,
THINGS WILL WORK OUT.
IT'S NOT WORTH IT.. bla bla bla.."
i know all those already.
and i try hard to believe.
i will be okay.
things will work out.
it's worth everything,
i just gotta try harder,
i just gotta have faith.
it's all about believing.
misunderstood?
nevermind.
as long as there's communication,
everything can work out.
yada yada yada..
how about i am a human being too?
hello people,
have you guys forgotten that?
i've feelings too?
i FUCKING HELL FEEL HURT TOO?
i've emotions?!
and i'm hurting so badly inside,
and each time i hide,
each time i pretend.
it just gets worse.
and how about YOU PEOPLE
telling me you're THERE,
you'll never live,
always gonna be by my side?
and what happens eventually?
IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT!
CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT
'COS I DON'T GIVE ANY SHIT.
I'M FUCKING TIRED.
i seriously need help.
HA.
that sounds funny.
know what.
shut up jawk.
just shut up.
nobody gives shit.
and don't give me the sympathy shit
or anything.
i don't need anything..
not anymore.
>01:03
Egomanic.
THE MINORS | jawk | contradicts | misunderstood
ADDICTS | the gf | retail therapy |
AGONY | over-used | entrapment | deceiption |
let's stop running;
and start believing.
Shopaholic.
+ formal tops
+ polo tees of diff colors. :D
+ fix ipod mini.
+ w910i
+ sony vaio lap-top
Chimera.
+ license
+ leisure trip *(akan datang!)
+ aussie trip
+ my band. (: